I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
