Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
