I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
