I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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