Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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