walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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