glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
