I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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