Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
