I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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