SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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