On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
