Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
