i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
