my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
