I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
