i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
