he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
