When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
