After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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