she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
