So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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