somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
