Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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