just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
