Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
