I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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