you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
