If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
