Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
