apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
