that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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