this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
