He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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