Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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