So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
