The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Girls should come with a carfax report
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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