He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
