i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Floor bacon is actually really good
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize