It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize