when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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