I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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