How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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