then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am puke
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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