i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
