I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize