Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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