Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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