We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
