I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
your like the ambassador to my penis.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
