Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
