its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
