i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
