chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
