i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
