I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
