dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
