I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
