I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
