They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
