thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
