it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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