I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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