well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
