sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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