Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
