I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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