She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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