why didn't you poke me back
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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