the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
